


if it must end so

by ethemreal



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drabble, I mostly stuck to the book canon and timeline, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 13:58:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17561726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ethemreal/pseuds/ethemreal
Summary: The first time they lay together was at Beorn's. on a hay mattress, all fumbling hands and caution and hushed whispers, nothing more than a few teens might get up to at a sleepover. More a makeout session than anything else, mostly clothed. The second time they lay was in lake town, after the long separation of a cell door, and then a very uncomfortable journey down the river. But when they reached Erebor there was no rest, for all that there was naught to do. Thorin grew tense, and the dwarves sour, and Bilbo sat gloomily and at night he hardly slept.





	if it must end so

**Author's Note:**

> this is my second ever fic, and my first on AO3, so I only hope I've tagged it correctly. More of a drabble than anything.

The first time they lay together was at Beorn's. on a hay mattress, all fumbling hands and caution and hushed whispers, nothing more than a few teens might get up to at a sleepover. More a makeout session than anything else, mostly clothed.

The second time they lay was in lake town, after the long separation of a cell door, and then a very uncomfortable journey down the river. That night it was gentle, less fumbling than the first time, but not any more confident. And Thorin was rather sore from the barrel, and Bilbo had caught a cold, so the whole affair was rather soft. But in the comfort of a proper bed, in a room of their own, they found the bravery to undress properly, and make a memory of it.

Over the next two weeks they found their pace, their piece of quiet together. They slipped slowly into the comfort of their room, and then out into comfort amongst the rest. By the time they set out after their fortnight in Lake Town the whole of the company knew they'd been sharing a bed, and so no one paid any mind when they stole a kiss or a moment together as they traveled north towards the mountain.

But when they reached the door there was no rest, for all that there was naught to do. Thorin grew tense, and the dwarves sour, and Bilbo sat gloomily and at night he hardly slept. Then the door was opened, a cup stolen, the dragon woken, and hardly could Bilbo and Thorin be expected to maintain their relations through such a trying time, though a glance and a smile here and there kept some part of it alive.

But after a brief conversation between Hobbit and Dragon, Smaug smashed in the tunnel to the secret door, and went off to Lake Town, and the company was trapped inside Erebor. With hushed voices and a stolen moment off in a corner, their romance was revived. After a time the company found that Smaug was truly gone, and Thorin and Bilbo were able to get some proper alone time, before the company departed Erebor to the south, in search of what had happened to the dragon, as they had been trapped in a tunnel and did not know.

When Roäc appeared, and told them of the burning of lake town, and the felling of Smaug, there was a moment of hope, and then Roäc spoke of Bard and the Elves traveling north, seeking payment, and Bilbo could see the walls close in about himself, and a fury rise up in Thorin. 

The fury that rose in Thorin he spilled upon Bilbo in the night. He had ever been cautious and gentle and at times hesitant, but now all that was gone and a fire possessed him. He rode roughly, and grasped and grabbed and did not think to ask, but simply took. And for all Bilbo loved Thorin, this was not him, and Bilbo feared for not only himself.

So when Bard came, Bilbo saw no choice but to give him the Arkenstone.

And they find themselves upon a precipice. And Bilbo tells Thorin that it was he who gave the Arkenstone, and Thorin takes nothing he has not taken already, and that is so much more than he had ever earned, and so much more than Bilbo had to give. And Bilbo leaves, with nothing but for grief in his heart: that the Thorin he loved was no longer, and that he wished he could have had a chance to say goodbye.

And so came the battle. after which Bilbo finds himself in a tent, facing the very man he had just wished he could have said goodbye to. The man he loves. The man he thought he had lost to a fury and a fire and a dragon sickness. And so Thorin spoke  
"I wish to part in friendship from you, and I would take back my words and deeds at the gate, and before."  
And Bilbo kneeled, like crumbling, like a broken man finally allowed to break "this is a bitter love if it must end so; and not a mountain of gold can amend it. Yet I am glad that I have shared in your perils."

And that night Bilbo found himself filled with even more sorrow than before, and wished that he could take back his wish of a chance to say goodbye, for closure is too much a myth for even this sort of fairy tale to manage. 

And yet in the morning, Thorin had not passed. Bilbo would not depart, and the walls that had closed in around him finally fell down. And Bilbo picked up the pieces of himself and went back in, and tears shone in his eyes, for Thorin sat up. Over many long months he healed, and Bilbo healed, and they put together the pieces of each other's broken hearts. They were never the same again, but they were whole and together. And they were there, and in the end, they went back again.


End file.
